Turning to Our Lady

January 1.

It is so fitting to start the new year with remembering our sweet Lady. It is to her that we should turn to find our mother's comfort in accepting infertility. She has this ability to accept things in her life: acceptance that she was to be a teenage mother; acceptance to carry and bear her own Savior; acceptance to be our own very queen.

I pray that we are able to turn to her in our own time of need for her support, protection and guidance.

Thanksgiving.... what are you thankful for??

Thanksgiving. Be thankful for the small things: Col 4:2

I am so very thankful for the things the Good Lord has provided for me. A great life, awesome Dh, great church, family, friends and health.

Health is so very important and so over looked at times. I just learned that my friend is very sick and she had to be hospitalized and could not share in Thanksgiving dinner.

Blessing and glory, wisdom and thanksgiving, honor, power, and strength be to our God forever and ever. Rev 7:12

Our Neighbors House

Halloween is the beginning of the season where our neighbors pull out their holiday decorations and the transformation of their house starts. Soon the yard will be filled with ghosts and purple and orange lights.

I feel that I could also do good from a transformation.

Perhaps decorations in my heart to start the coming holidays. I mean after all, Thanksgiving and Christmas will be upon us soon.

You may feel 'why decorate, we don't have children?' I ask you, 'why not decorate?' There is so much to celebrate and halloween allows us the chance to join in on fall festivities and to try to scare ourselves....

Go ahead, pull out the pumpkins and the spice cookies... enjoy October!!!

Halloween....without children

October brings with it the leaves and the fall like weather, it also brings the festivals and halloween events. Does being childless mean that we are not able to celebrate this holiday?? Nope. It means that we will be able to still do halloween activities. This year we will be participating in halloween hayrides, DH will go to several haunted houses and we will gather with friends to watch several scary movies.

Happy Halloween!!! Go pop some popcorn and watch a scary thriller...

Focus Upon Me Fridays....

Matthew 7:12 In everything, deal with others as you would like the to deal with you.

The Golden Rule. It seems appropriate for God to show me this verse as I have been invited to a baby shower. Although, in order to preserve my own heart, I try to avoid them. Reasons as to why I cannot go swim through my mind. My husband recently mentioned to me that I am becoming a recluse. Perhaps, I am. And I am finding out that I don't mind.

Lord, I want to deal with others as I would want them to deal with me. But how do I stop a hurting heart, without hearting others?

It seems that God has more work to do within me.

Wise Men Seek Him

I found my yearly theme of "Focus on Him" come up during the sermon this morning. The Gospel was the story of the women who was bleeding for twelve years. I cannot imagine how she must have felt! She braved the crowded streets and looked for the man she heard that could heal. She was a wise woman who seeked Jesus. Through the heavy crowd she spots him, and moved forward to him repeating to herself, "If only I could touch his clothes." If only. She didn't ask for much. She knew exactly what she wanted, what she needed and where to find it. As soon as her hand reaches for his garment and she touches the rough material, immediately, she is healed. Her wound is fixed. She seeked and He healed.

Infertility hurts. Healing is available if only we seek it from Him, who created us. He can and will heal our hearts, minds and bodies. Like the brave, wise woman of today's Gospel, I earn to seek Him, and whisper to myself, "If only I could touch his garment, the pain will stop." I may not be in the same position as this woman, hearing His voice or feeling His touch, but He did not leave us here without some sort of tangible part of Him. We have Him, here, in the Eucharist.

This is where I seek Him, for healing. I am blessed to work next to a church where they have Eucharistic adoration. After work, I am able to drop in and sit with Him, in His Presence, for a few minutes before traveling home. It is an amazing, quiet time, that I cherish.

If you are hurting, I encourage you to be like the wise woman. Seek Him out.

God's Power to Remove Suffering

In speaking about a hospital that Padre Pio established, Pope Benedict XVI stated,

"Can the experience of pain be considered positive? Who can liberate us from suffering and death?" These questions, he said, cannot be answered on a human level, "since suffering is an unfathomable mystery for our reason." He added, "Suffering is part of the very mystery of the human person." "Only God can remove the power of evil" that is the source of suffering, the Pontiff asserted. He explained that "faith helps us to penetrate the meaning of all things human and therefore also of suffering." The Holy Father affirmed, "There is, therefore, an intimate relationship between the Cross of Jesus -- the supreme symbol of the pain and the price of our freedom -- and our pain, which is transformed and transcended when it is lived in the awareness of the closeness
and solidarity of God." "Padre Pio had understood this profound truth," he said.

Full text: http://www.zenit.org/article-26239?l=english

Since I learned of our infertility, I have been desperately reaching out trying to find something that will alleviate the pain. I wanted and want to make the suffering stop. I want to be numb, not feeling the pain. I finally realized that there was only one way for me to do this. I needed to lay my suffering at Jesus' feet. There I am reminded that we all suffer. Pain is part of this world, and that includes suffering. However, as Christians we have Christ. I can offer my pain, my loneliness and my needs and wants for a child to our Lord. He will draw my closer to Himself and transform my suffering to the gloriy of God.

I was haunted by the 'what woulds'. What would life be like now without children? What would life be like five, ten, twenty years from now without children? What would holidays be like with only my spouse and me?

By focusing on God the past week, I am realizing that God is in control. He alone knows the path of our life. I do not need to worry.