I recently went to a retreat for infertility. I was surrounded by wonderful women whose hearts just seemed to provide comfort and love. During a prayer session, I heard God whisper into my own heart.
I have been struggling with learning to accept infertility for four years now. I knew that if our treatments did not work that adopting was not on our horizon. In the back of my mind, I begged and pleaded with learning of a way to simply accept something that cannot be changed. The most difficult part of our ARTS treatment was the frustration, with everything. Our bodies, the clinic, the appointment times, the hectic traffic conjestion to the nearest clinic that was still 45 minutes away, traveling there multiples times during the week.
During this chaos, I lost something. I lost my focus. My faith turned from God to the Doctor, who surely would be able to get me pregnant, wouldn't he? During the retreat, amongs a room of laughter and tears, God's voice whispered in my ear the very thing that I needed to hear, "Focus on Me." Three words. Three simple but beautiful words. He reminded me where my heart and mind should be.
When I have something new to persue, I get very passionate about it and spend hours figuring it out. I am in pursuit for a Catholic support group on accepting infertility. Is there one? I am beginning to highly doubt it. I have spent hours searching the internet and writing emails.
God reminded me last night where I should be looking. "Focus on Me." The same three words entered into my heart. And I am realizing this is where I should be. With Him. By His feet, offering up to Him my sorrows and joys.
I am starting something new here on my blog called Focus Friday. I am reading a devotional called, "Every Day is a Gift."
Devotion for Friday June 19: "Jeremiah 31:33.... "I will write [my law] upon their hearts; I will be their God and they shall be My people."
The reflection listed indicates that things are at rest when they are in their proper place. God has spoken to me twice to focus on Him. And I am realizing that I am wasting energy working on things that are not in their proper place. For now, while my heart is hurting, my proper place is with Him.
Heavenly Father, it is with joy and honor that I take up my seat by your Son's feet and gaze upon His holiness. My heart finds rest within You. Help me to keep my heart attached to you and resting assured that my heart will be satisfied within Yours. Amen.